Why Do I Fancy The Wrong Blokes?!

Why do I fancy the most unsuitable blokes on the planet?!  I don’t mean Death Row inmates, wife beaters, married men or anything extreme like that! I mean I fancy men who just aren’t “right” for me – I’m not their “type”.

I am usually pursued by the loveliest men – by other women’s standards.  The intelligent, financially solvent, caring, charming type.  But I just can’t get excited enough by them.  Because they are usually short and don't look like they would mug your granny.  Before there are outcries of “Bastard Lover!” or “Nice guys always come last!” etc etc....please, just bear with me on this.  I avoid players like the plague, I’ve never fancied a so-called Bastard just cos he is one, and I don’t take some sort of sick martyred pleasure out of being treated like crap.  In fact I don’t actually end up being treated badly these days.  That stopped with the exit of my ex-husband over 4 years ago – and yes, the exit was facilitated by my size 8 boot up his arse. I have a friend who when we are in the pub and a total Player/Bastard type (I call them PB’s)  walks in she turns round, swoons and says “Look at that!  A total and utter bastard.  I want him and I want him NOW!” Well OK, I may have used a bit of poetic license there (and ripped off one of Mish Lorraine’s stand up lines there) but you get the picture.

Nope, I don’t wait for the phone to ring, I don’t give “second chances”, and I don’t get involved with blokes with too much baggage.  My ‘problem’ is that I fancy the big, tattooed types with shaved heads, the type that play rugby or box – whether in an official capacity or just have a few too many with the lads.  If they are big and look like I would have lots of fun trying to break em – I’m there. Now I’m also not stereotyping here; not all big blokes with tats are not suitable, I’m sure there are lots who are also responsible and like intelligent, confident women but in my experience they are hiding. Probably from me. Bugger.  I’ve always been the same, my first love was 6ft 7” and was a bouncer at night, mind you – he was bright too, a civil engineer in the day and has spent the last 15 plus years in the RAF. I forget to mention forces guys! Uniformed big blokes! OMFG! (give me a moment to compose myself please).  But we only lasted a year, just wasn’t meant to be, but Garry - you spoilt me for life you git!

The look I go for and always have done – is the ones that look like Vin Diesel.  Huge.  Over 6ft 3”. Built like brick outhouses.  Huge hands. Not pretty. Now I’m a 5ft 8 bird who has boxes of 4” heels, I like a tall bloke.  In fact really ugly I would take any day over short, seriously.  My recent ex was the shortest bloke I have EVER been out with in all of my nearly-41 years and he was 5ft 10”.  Twas doomed to fail from day one to be fair.  Now, back to the big brutes – swoon!  In my experience, these types of guys don’t seem to want women who a) are as confident as them b) can hold their own with a bunch of their mates.  They seem to want the shy, quiet girls.  Apparently I’m “too much” of a bird for them. Why?!  What’s wrong with a woman with some spirit and drive eh boys?!  I know there must be some more out there (the Garrys of this world) but then I suppose the same could be said for the shorter, nicer, financially solvent, caring types that hang around waiting for me to come to my senses....

...so if you look like Vin Diesel, have at least a complete secondary education, have tattoos, are broader than the average door and are at least 6ft 3” please can you make yourself known?!  I’m waiting.